​The newest twist in LeBron James’ free-agency saga is as comically surreal as it is revealing, ESPN noted on Thursday. According to Shams Charania, Rich Paul, James’ longtime agent and the head of Klutch Sports, has been acting as the go-between for team executives and James by sending him voice notes through Paul. Yes, teams are actually sending voice notes to capture James’ attention. It’s a scenario that’s almost too awkward to picture, so we decided to imagine what some of the frontrunners might have said to Paul in hopes of impressing James.
First up, a playful voicemail: “Hi, you’ve reached the LeBron James free-agent pitch hotline. Please leave your message after the tone for Rich Paul… except if you’re the Los Angeles Lakers.” Then comes a message from Koby Altman, the Cavs’ GM, with a wink and a nudge: “Heyyyy it’s Koby. Koby Altman? You remember me! Let’s forget about that time I said there was a ‘level of hurt’ when you left for L.A.! No worries! I have three words for you: Come back home. Do you last dance here. I paid off Donovan Mitchell so he wouldn’t be hurt when you come to town. And Evan Mobley’s good! And—”
In the background, an interruption: James Harden. “Koby? KOBY! ARE YOU ON THE PHONE WITH BRON?” the Houston-born star barks. “Hold on. SHHH! James, shut up! You’re gonna ruin this for us!” Harden then offers his pitch: “TELL BRON I’LL EVEN PLAY DEFENSE FOR HALF THE GAMES! I’LL STOP SHOOTING IN THE PLAYOFFS! WHATEVER HE WANTS! I NEED MY RING!” The line cuts off with James muttering, “JAMES SHUT–,” as the call ends.
Next, a call from the living legend himself, Pat Riley: “Bron. It’s Pat Riley. THE Pat Riley. You know me. Giannis is here. Bam is here. You know what to do.” The line drops, leaving a faint edge of old-school intensity in the air.
Then the tape shifts, sounding as if it’s mid-conversation in a livestream: “… And then Jayson Tatum ignored me for like, 15 months straight. And I swear he was coming back from that Achilles tear last season just to spite me. Whatever. He can kiss my–” An interruption follows. It’s Mike Gansey, the Cavaliers’ front-office mind, sounding urgent: “JAYLEN. It’s live. Tell LeBron to come to Philly.” The reply is casual but tense: “Oh. Uh, hey. Come to Philly. I dunno, Joel says he’s healthier than he’s ever felt. Don’t worry about sharing the ball with Tyrese and VJ, they’re cool. Anyway, what was I saying before?”
The chaos only grows from there. Tim Connelly, working the Minnesota Timberwolves situation, tries to speak but is drowned out by the squabbling between Anthony Edwards and LaMelo Ball: “Hey, it’s Tim Connelly. LeBron, we need you and— HEY! HEY! YOU TWO! PIPE DOWN BACK THERE OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND THIS INSTANT!” The call finally breaks off, leaving a sense of pandemonium.
And then, a closer: “Bron. It’s definitely NOT Rob Pelinka. OK, fine. It is. We have Bronny and we’re not trading him anywhere you go. Think about THAT and get back to me.”
This article originally appeared on For The Win, under a lighthearted premise: imagining what five NBA teams’ LeBron voice-note pitches to Rich Paul might sound like, designed for better SEO. The piece intentionally injects humor to spotlight the unusual dynamics at play as LeBron’s free agency unfolds, a topic that continues to captivate fans and analysts alike.