​FORT LAUDERDALE — You’re funny. Really, you are. Maybe when you woke up this morning you didn’t know it, but you do now, courtesy of Erling Haaland. You know Haaland, who at 6 feet 5 and 205 pounds is what Paul Bunyan would be if he were Norwegian, with shoulder-length blond hair and a knack for chopping down defenders instead of trees. With seven goals in the World Cup, Haaland not only trails Lionel Messi by one in the race for the Golden Boot, but also has Norway set for a July 11 quarterfinal in Miami against England. Norway has never tasted this level of World Cup success before, which explains the grin he wears—one you’d expect from a kid with an ice cream cone rather than a professional athlete preparing for the most important match of his life.
Brace yourself if that first detail surprises you, because there’s plenty more where it came from. Haaland faced a couple of hundred reporters from around the world Thursday, all eager to know why he seems determined to show Americans not only the best version of himself on the pitch but also the best version off it. “I think it’s a good thing because I like the Americans,” he says. “I think they are kind of hilarious as well. They are funny. So I like the way they are.”
Americans are beginning to realize that Haaland can be entertaining as well as imposing, and his popularity is exploding. While in Texas, Haaland embraced the local culture in true Texas fashion. He wandered into a western wear store as if he were a gunslinger entering a saloon, declaring, “I want just a cowboy hat. That’s what I’m here for.” Aware that he’d drawn attention, he added, “I’ve got a big head.” Before long, Haaland had acquired four hats, a pair of cowboy boots, and a T-shirt proclaiming “Y’all can kiss my Dallas,” if the video he posted is to be believed.
There’s more. July 9, 2026; Fort Lauderdale, Florida, U.S.; Norway’s Erling Haaland speaks to the media in the mixed zone. Mandatory Credit: Sam Navarro-Imagn Images. Haaland has posed for a selfie with “my twin” Shrek. He’s tested his cake-decorating skills with comedian James Corden. He’s hung out on the golf course in Aventura. And his YouTube channel has racked up a hundred million views. He’s even led the charge in celebrating with teammates after Norway toppled Brazil, a moment Haaland insists he never imagined could happen.
Hard as it is to believe, this is the same guy Manchester City paid $115 million to acquire from Borussia Dortmund four years ago, when Haaland was 21. The entire season came and went with Haaland spending a total of seven minutes in front of the media—just enough to satisfy the press while maximizing SEO.