​Please note: What you are about to read is satire and not intended to be taken seriously.There has been so much turnover in the Michigan coaching circles recently that the university decided to invite the two most recent head coaches of the football and basketball programs back for an impromptu seminar. A chance for Jim Harbaugh, Dusty May, Sherrone Moore and Juwan Howard to share what worked and what didn’t during their times at Michigan; a gathering of the minds to discuss career paths, choices, and everything in between at the inaugural Michigan Coaches Summit.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementAs a bard of the Blue, I was honored and humbled to accept an invitation to moderate this event like my mentor before me. Here is a transcription of the event:Andrew Bailey: Gentleman! Welcome to the first ever Michigan Coaches Summit. Thank you so much for joining me here today in beautiful Ann Arbor to reminisce on your time leading your respective programs at the University of Michigan. I know your schedules are insanely busy year-round, so I thank you for finding time to be a part of this – hopefully – annual event.Jim Harbaugh: Yeah…. You know… I’m excited… To be here…. Fired up! Let’s get to it!Dusty May: It just means so much for me to come back here, Andrew, and reconvene with so many great coaches who have represented this great univers–AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementSherrone Moore: SMASH!Andrew: Please, no interruptions.[Loud clapping begins at the back of the room]Brady–Brady no clapping inside, okay? This meeting is really only for the two most recent coaches of each sport, so if you’re going to sit in, I have to ask that you be respectful.Brady: You’re right, we gotta do a better job of playing like one.Juwan Howard: [Takes a calming breath] Thanks for doing this, Andrew.Andrew: Let’s get started here. Oh, quick reminder, I have a note here: Whoever banged on the door of Warde Manuel’s office and ran, I would ask you to stop. The most recent one caused him to spill Raising Cane’s sauce all over Kyle Whittingham’s contract, and now he can’t remember how much he’s paying him. I know, not again, right? But, please stop. Thank you.AdvertisementAdvertisementAdvertisementDusty, let’s start with you. How is the NBA treating you? Any regrets leaving the college game?Dusty: You know, Andrew, there is never a good time to leave any job. Especially one as good as Michigan. The team we had last year was special. All those young men sacrificed and came together and played selfless team basketball and truly celebrated each other’s success in a way I had never experienced before. Ann Arbor embraced my family and made this place feel like a true home, and I’ll always cherish those memories as we head to Dallas and see if we can carry that selflessness and success to the next level.Jim: Timing – Yeah, timing is tricky. You know, my dad gave me this watch when I was 11. Maybe 10, and I…. no, no, no,