​Somehow, every game recap I write ends up talking about an even more abhorrent contest than the last. Tonight might take the cake as the worst game I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching. Start to finish, an unbelievably awful affair. On the bright side, since arriving in Minnesota, the Guardians have at least started losing in new and inventive ways. It’s no longer just a one-run defeat; we’ve stepped into a whole new level of suffering.
This game had it all. Do you enjoy lackluster starting pitching? Step right in. Do you love walks? We’ve got a near endless supply at a discounted rate. Do you like using every single reliever except one? Stop by. Do you relish walkoff losses? We’re offering a two-for-one special. If you’re a fan of all of the above, then welcome to the Chris Antonetti and company’s House of Horrors—fortunately situated on a TV screen near you.
I’ll spare you the video evidence I usually attach to these recaps so those who missed the game or want a quick refresher can catch up without rewatching the entire disaster. Tonight, we’ll rely on good old-fashioned words. Cecconi was bad today, plain and simple. The Guardians put up three runs in the fourth on back-to-back homers from Rocchio and Hoskins, and if you’ve watched more than three Guardians games this year, you probably can predict what happened next.
Speaking of the fourth inning, Cecconi couldn’t escape it. Final line: 3.2 innings, 6 hits, 3 earned runs, 4 strikeouts, 1 walk. He surrendered the lead as soon as the Guardians took it. Holderman had to pitch in the fourth to clean up the mess, and he did not disappoint. He was fantastic, one of four players today who were blameless. He cleaned up Cecconi’s mess and then delivered a clean scoreless fifth on six pitches.
Herrin pitched a relatively uneventful sixth, but left the game after being struck on the elbow by a comebacker off Royce Lewis. Shawn Armstrong recorded the final out of the inning. Then, quietness gave way to a bright moment in the seventh: Chase DeLauter delivered his second of two hits and his second of three plate appearances, driving in the go-ahead run with that hit. Rocchio followed with a bunt squeeze to bring in Kwan, taking advantage of a defensive miscue by the Twins to reach first base.
Armstrong pitched again, but the trouble didn’t end there. He walked Keaschall and Kreidler, recording only one out in between the walks. Sabrowski came in relief and, in perhaps the worst outing I’ve witnessed with my own eyes, walked three batters. Included among those three walks were two RBI-dispensing freebies. Two RBI walks. Yes, two. The sequence—three walks total in that span, with two resulting in runs—left you reaching for the remotest corners of disbelief.
I recognize this recap has wandered into the realm of excessive detail and dramatic flourish, but honestly, tonight deserves it. The Guardians’ bullpen collapses, the protective shell of blameless performance by a handful of players, and the cascade of walks conspired to produce a performance that’s hard to forget and even harder to defend. If there’s any consolation to be found, it’s that a few players—Holderman, DeLauter, and a couple of others—stood out in the chaos, delivering moments of competence amid the general wreckage.